“Alqamah (radi Allahu anhu) was a very pious person. He spent his time in prayer and fasting. At the approach of death he was unable to proclaim the Kalima Shahada, in spite of repeated instruction by those present. Alqamah’s wife sent a messenger to Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) to inform him of Alqamah’s grave condition.
Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) enquired whether the parents of Alqamah were alive. He was informed that Alqamah’s mother was alive. Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) asked the aged mother about Alqamah. She replied: ‘Alqamah is a very pious person. He passes his time in Salat and Saum. He performs Tahajjud, but he always disobeys me for the sake of his wife. I am, therefore, displeased with him.’
Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: ‘It will be best for him if you forgive him.’ However, she refused. Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) ordered Bilal (radi Allahu anhu) to gather firewood. On hearing this order, Alqamah’s mother asked in consternation: ‘Will my child be burnt in the fire?’
Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: ‘Yes! Compared to the punishment of Allah, our punishment is light. I take oath by Allah that as long as you remain displeased with him, neither his Salat nor his Sadaqah is accepted.’
The old lady said: ‘I make you and all people present witness that I have forgiven Alqamah.’ Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) addressing the gathering, said: ‘Go and see if the Kalima is on the tongue of Alqamah or not.’
After returning from Alqamah the people informed him that he was reciting the Kalima. Thus, he left this world with the Kalima on his lips. After burying Alqamah, Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: ‘The curse of Allah is on the one who causes difficulty to his mother. The curse of the angels and the curse of mankind be on him. Allah Ta’ala neither accepts his Fardh nor his Nafl Ibadat as long as he does not repent and obey his mother. He has to gain her pleasure as best as he can. Allah’s Pleasure depends on the mother’s pleasure and His Wrath is concealed in her wrath.’” [Ahmad]
This hadith is a sobre reminder for us to be respectful and obedient to our parents and try to keep them happy with us. It is not a small matter to upset them for the sake of our friends or others who we value more. The only time that we are allowed to give preference to others is in the matter of others’ Allah-given rights, since no obedience can supercede obedience to Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) and His Messenger (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam).
Therefore, it is important to find out what the rights of our children, spouses, relatives, friends, and other Muslims are, so we know what Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) wants us to do in case there is a clash between what different people want from us. This is the only proper way to balance relationships as it seeks Allah’s pleasure. Otherwise, mothers deserve our utmost attention, respect and obedience.